Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
