So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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