you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
