id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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