Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
