ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
