We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize