All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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