I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
