so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize