the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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