thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
