I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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