He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
