Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
