Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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