oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
