I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
