1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
