So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
