Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
