I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I could fuck to npr.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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