WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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