My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
