I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
