nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
