its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
