it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
