Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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