Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
