If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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