for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
