We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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