My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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