i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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