We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
