Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The uberlube is also flammable
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
