every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
