If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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