god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
false alarm. still invincible.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
