She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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