Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize