I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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