I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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