It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
