Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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