Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
