Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
