I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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