About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
