going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
