Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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