i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
