from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
