Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
