if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
