Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Im part way to drunk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
