my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
