The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
