the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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