I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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