McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
