If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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