I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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