And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
