While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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